Sharkey Speaks Out

Ms. Finch (if that IS your real name);

While I applaud your venturing into the world of Private Web Pagemeistering (otherwise known as wa-wa-wa world), I feel duty bound to point out a slight discrepancy in your section referring to Merchant Gentlemen.

While it is true the links you've made available do cover several (in)famous historical (and oft-times colorful) figures, you have neglected the man who (some argue) has done more (some say too much) for the image of the seagoing gentleman merchant than any other through both past and future histories, by yer flamin' beard. (Sorry. Strike that. I meant, "I dare say.")

This fellow, while called fop by some and Boo-Head by others, has demonstrated on countless (seven, actually) occasions that he is indeed a great leader of men and terror of cabin boys. Statesman, author, swordsman, psychologist, brewmeister, and ... lots of other stuff, gar and belike. His reputation is loyal and his crew is frightening. No. Wait. That can't be right, can it?

"His name?" I hear you cry. Why his name be feared round the Cape of God Rock and through the Straights of A-Boo and up one side and down t'other, let me tell ye. It echoes off the concrete canyons and rolls across the fruited plain like a Winnebago with a drunken Klingon at the wheel, by yer eyes. It be a name synonymous with...with...

Where'd I put that bleedin' thesaurus? Ah cracky...HEY! Who spilled the daquery on my writing desk and left it to get all sticky and gross? By thunder, there's my mint condition copy of the novelization of Buckaroo Banzai all pink and yucked out. I'll have someone's hide fer this. LAMONT! Lamont ya seaweed covered barnacle, where are ye. AH! I see ye cowering behind that Xerox repair manual. Come're. I'd have words with ye. Come back here! Don't make me chase ya, ye bottom feeding... aw, cripes.

Last rant date: Sept 16, 1998